


Lardo's Favourite Morning Mug

by rewmariewrites



Series: Samwell's Co-Supernatural Hockey Haus [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bisexual Larissa "Lardo" Duan, Bitty and Jack are disgustingly cute, Human Jack Zimmerman, Implied Larissa "Lardo" Luan/Camilla, Implied Larissa "Lardo" Luan/Shitty Knight, Lardo Has No Time For It, Lardo POV, Lardo is Petty and Stressed, M/M, References to Vampire Holster if you squint, References to Werewolf Shitty if you squint, Siren Eric Bittle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewmariewrites/pseuds/rewmariewrites
Summary: Being the manager of a collegiate level, co-supernatural hockey team, while simultaneously completing her Fine Arts double-major in Mixed Media and Music, is one thing. It’s a huge thing, actually, that takes up basically all of her time and a decent part of her energy. It also means that she has to be awake and functional at ungodly hours of the morning, because her advisor is a demon (literally) and likes to have all her meetings before 8 o’clock in the morning. If Lardo combats this with a level of coffee consumption that equates to a caffeine IV drip, that’s nobody’s business but her own.And, apparently, Jack and Bitty’s, because they are currently lip-locked like they’ve spent the last eighty-five years apart, in front of the mug cupboard where Lardo’s Favourite Morning Mug is kept. At six-thirty in the morning. In the kitchen. On a Wednesday.





	Lardo's Favourite Morning Mug

**Author's Note:**

> Ask and ye shall receive! Part 2 to an ongoing short-works series that I've named Samwell's Co-Supernatural Hockey Haus, which will be based entirely in the supernatural world of Hold Up. Updates to this series will be sporadic, as I will be posting ficlets as I write them.
> 
> Thank you for your support and love! I read every single one of your comments, and they inspire me to write more every day.

      Lardo would like it noted that, even though she _ literally _ signed up for this by accepting the Samwell Men’s Hockey Team Managerial Position four years ago, she emphatically  _ did not sign up for _ **_this_ ** _ shit _ . 

      Being the manager of a collegiate level, co-supernatural hockey team, _while simultaneously_ completing her Fine Arts double-major in Mixed Media and Music, is one thing. It’s a _huge_ thing, actually, that takes up basically all of her time and a decent part of her energy. It _also_ means that she has to be awake and functional at ungodly hours of the morning, because her advisor is a _demon_ (literally) and likes to have all her meetings before 8 o’clock in the morning. If Lardo combats this with a level of coffee consumption that equates to a _caffeine IV drip_ , that’s nobody’s business but her own.

      And, apparently, Jack and Bitty’s, because they are currently lip-locked like they’ve spent the last eighty-five years apart, in front of the mug cupboard where Lardo’s Favourite Morning Mug is kept. At six-thirty in the morning. In the kitchen. On a  _ Wednesday _ .

      So, she clears her throat.

      Crosses her arms.

      Taps a slippered foot against the yellowed, cracked tile of the kitchen.

      Finally, “Bros, don’t either one of you need to  _ breathe _ ?”

      With a gasp Bitty and Jack come up for air, red in the face and panting a little. Lardo scrunches wrinkles her nose a bit - that kind of poor breath control is just  _ insulting _ for a siren like Bitty. Either that, or Jack is just  _ that good _ with his tongue, and -  _ ugh no Lardo needs brain bleach, no thinking about Jack’s tongue, gross. _

      Quickly, and with a distinctive lack of grace, Bitty clambers frantically off the counter, pushing Jack bodily out of the way as he does so, and hustles towards the oven, which has been emitting increasingly acrid smells for the five minutes that Lardo has been standing here trying to get at the mug cupboard.

      The coffee, too, has been growing steadily more burnt as it sits on the warmer. Lardo is  _ displeased _ .

      “ _ Oh Lord _ , my  _ breakfast quiche _ ! Oh, Jack, this was gonna be for the team! They’ve been so kind about you changing the PDA rule in the Haus-”

_       “More like blatantly disrespecting Haus bylaws” _ , Lardo mutters under her breath, moving to stand right up in Jack’s personal space so that  _ maybe _ he’ll take the hint and get the  _ fuck _ out of the way of the mug cupboard. 

      It doesn’t work. Lardo is ignored. She does not deserve the  _ injustice _ that is being done unto her.

      “Bittle, we would have lost five hundred dollars the first week. I think we can say, in good conscience, that changing the bylaw was for the best.” 

      After brief consideration, Lardo rolls her eyes and acquiesces. Not that her input matters  _ at all _ to the conversation at hand, or anything, but five hundred dollars is a lot of money, and they  _ did  _ put it to a Haus vote, so the ZimBits Amendment stands.

      If Jack doesn’t get the  _ fuck _ out of her way soon, though, he’s going to lose a  _ lot more _ than five hundred dollars.

      (She realizes, in a vague ‘I’ve only been awake for ten minutes and need to have been somewhere fifteen minutes ago’ kind of way, that she’s being  _ really petty _ right now. Lardo prides herself on being ‘ _ the bro _ ’ and taking everything in stride - both as a manager and as a friend, Lardo is the chill, capable confidante, and that is who she  _ enjoys _ being - but the pressure of her showcase has made her a little… on edge. Edgy, if you will. Her fey nature, usually tempered by the more human parts of her heritage, has been sharpened by stress to a vindictive point over the last month, and she is  _ very _ close to her breaking point. She just needs to get through today, and then she will find either Shitty or Camilla - or both - and go blow off some steam. Neither Shitty nor Camilla mind running around and getting up to no good in the woods, no matter what kind of  _ trouble _ Lardo has in mind.)

      While Jack may not move because of Lardo’s laser-eyed glare (practiced and perfected on Ransom and Holster until they all but jump over each other to get out of her way when she lets it loose, but still  _ frustratingly _ ineffective on Jack) he does finally move, sliding up to where Bitty is holding the dejected-looking quiche with a distraught look on his face. Jack takes the quiche and quickly puts it on the counter next to the oven, sucking on his fingers where they briefly met the hot pan, then slides his arms around Bitty’s waist to pull him close. “ _ Ne t’en fais pas _ , Bittle. They can fend for themselves this morning - you’ve made them breakfast for the last  _ week _ .”

      Lardo, from her perch on top of the counter, reaching (and reaching and  _ reaching _ ) for her favourite mug (which Holster hid on the top shelf of the cupboard because he’s a  _ gigantic blood-sucking soulless monster _ who is a  _ bad sport _ and  _ loses at beer pong _ ), stops briefly in her quest and wrinkles her nose again. She does  _ not _ want Bitty to stop making breakfast. Bitty’s breakfast foods are  _ to die for _ , almost better than even his pies, and they are currently the  _ only  _ joy she has in this world that is not coffee.

      Unfortunately, a quick glance from the corner of her eye tells her that now is probably not the time to combat this new No Breakfast development, because Bitty is talking quietly at Jack in a petulant, sad voice, and Jack has bent down (and why do those four inches seem like such a large distance) and is rubbing his nose very gently across Bitty’s. 

      It’s  _ fucking adorable _ . Lardo  _ hates it _ .

      The rage Lardo feels at the emotions she’s being secondhandedly subjected to must be the boost she needs, because at that moment her fingers close around her Morning Coffee Mug (not to be confused with her To Go Mug or her Evening Coffee Mug). Suppressing a crow of victory, Lardo slides off the counter and turns towards the  _ blessed, divinely miraculous coffee pot _ .

      Except -

      Oh  _ sweet, merciful Selkie Queen - _

      They’re in front of the  _ fucking coffee pot _ .

      Jack is still rubbing his nose across Bitty’s but he’s the one talking now, all French-Canadian slang and loose limbs and hands rubbing lightly over Bitty’s hips (and by watching this Lardo can suddenly understand how all those puck bunnies laid themselves down at Jack’s feet, because  _ wow _ , his undivided attention must make you feel like you’re standing in the center of a  _ hurricane _ ), and Bitty is giggling softly, a light blush spreading over his face, his own oven-mitted hands sneaking up to clasp around the back of Jack’s neck and his nose breaking free of Jack’s to angle upwards so he can kiss-

_       Ew, gross, private intimate moments, euch _ .

      Lardo huffs a quiet sigh and slides up beside Bitty to turn off the oven before it burns the house down ( _ note to self: move the coffee pot  _ **_far away_ ** _ from the oven _ ) before reluctantly leaving the kitchen, mug in hand.

      She’ll just have to stop at the coffee shop on her way to the studio, and she’ll be  _ damned _ if she’s not going to have her morning coffee in her special fucking mug like she always does. 

 ~

 

      Fifteen minutes later Bitty breaks away from Jack’s altogether  _ too  _ enticing mouth to ask, “Was that Lardo in here earlier?”

      Jack just mumbles something noncommital before ducking and mouthing along Bitty’s neck. Bitty resolves to bake Lardo something special…  _ after _ Jack is done whatever he is doing to that spot just behind Bitty’s ear,  _ oh my _ -

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Ne t’en fais pas: Don’t worry  
> co-supernatural: containing supernatural and non-supernatural team members (ie Bitty is a Siren and Jack is Human)
> 
> Lardo’s mug: https://www.retroplanet.com/PROD/39926.html
> 
>  
> 
> you can find me on tumblr here!: http://and-still-not-a-ginger.tumblr.com/  
> i mostly shitpost but the Progress Check tag is exclusively about fic progress


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